Chapter 13
The Asgard Universe - The Twins of Fate Saga - Summary/Content Note
(Timeskip: 5 years. Setting: Asgard. Gwen has adapted to life there, but she’s still the outsider who married into the royal family.)
The grand garden behind the palace was alive with laughter and flying petals. Liv had coaxed a bed of golden blossoms to bloom where no plants had been that morning, while Varian charged through them with his toy sword, scattering petals into the air. Frigga clapped her hands in delight, her smile warm and proud.
“They are thriving,” she said to Gwen at her side. “They carry both your strength and their father’s cunning. Asgard will be better for them.”
Gwen smiled, but her chest ached at the words. Asgard was home now, yes, but only because Earth had become so distant. Did the Avengers even think of her anymore?
From a balcony above, Loki watched quietly. The shadows of his past misdeeds still lingered in whispers at court, and Gwen felt the weight of those stares.
Loki could see the way those stares affected Gwen, how she tried to shield herself from their judgment by turning her back, laughing and playing with Liv and Varian. But he could see through her attempts to make light of the situation, to brush away the whispers, and it broke his heart to know he was the reason she had to endure this. When their children ran off to play in the nearby flower garden with Frigga, Loki took a moment to approach Gwen.
"...Can I speak with you for a moment?"
Gwen looks up at Loki with a polite smile. "Of course."
She's changed in Asgard. That night, the night that changed their lives, Gwen was happy, full of life, for once enjoying the attention of the Asgardians who saw her as a pretty stranger, a warrior from a different realm.
Now the attention has changed. She is an outsider–a Midgardian mortal who dared to marry and have children with their troublesome prince. She puts on her practiced smile and pretends not to notice, but the looks and whispers over the last five years have worn on her.
Loki's eyes search her face as they walk, noting the tension behind that practiced smile, the stiffness in her back as she pretends not to notice the whispers. He hates to see her like this, hates that he's the reason she needs to put on that mask whenever they're in public. His voice is quiet when he speaks, for her ears alone.
"...Have you been sleeping well lately?" he asks carefully. He's been worried. She has looked exhausted for weeks.
She hesitates before answering, debating whether or not to tell him the truth. She sighs softly. "No, I haven't."
He lets out a low breath at the confession. Though he'd known she wasn't sleeping well for some time, it pains him to actually hear her say it.
"...Bad dreams?" he murmurs, his fingers brushing against her arm gently.
"That's some of it."
Even though she and Loki share so much and he understands her better than anyone, she doesn't want to burden him or be a problem. She is already looked down upon by some of the Asgardians, she doesn't want to make it worse by complaining and seeming ungrateful for this life in the palace.
His eyes narrow slightly as she speaks, picking up on the hesitation in her voice. He knows the way her thoughts work, and he hates how hard she's on herself. He turns to face her, taking her hands in his as he stops to pull her closer, keeping the conversation private between them. He has learned to tell when she's holding back for his sake.
"Tell me the other part," he says quietly, lifting his hand to caress her cheek, thumb tracing the dark under-eye circles.
"I'm just...afraid to sleep. When I sleep, I have to face the dreams, and then, I'm afraid that if I sleep, something or someone will hurt us."
Since the twins were born, she has kept them close. Their room is attached to Loki's. Now that the kids are older, privacy is harder to come by but she doesn't want them out of reach.
He sighs and cups her face in his hands, making sure she looks at him, really looks in his eyes. He's gentle but firm, knowing that she'll avoid this conversation if he lets her.
"You haven't been sleeping in our bed this week," he points out quietly, his gaze roaming her face, searching for any other signs that she's not eating or tending to her own needs as she has in the past. "Don't try to deny it."
"No, I've been watching over the kids. The dreams and feelings have gotten worse."
His jaw tightens again, concern creasing his forehead. He should have noticed sooner. Gods dammit. He hates himself for not noticing just how exhausted she looked. He hates the dark circles beneath her eyes and how pale her golden skin looks.
"How long have you been keeping watch over the twins like this? A few days? A week?" he asks quietly, his thumbs still stroking over her cheeks.
"A few days. If we both sleep, who can we trust to watch over them?"
She knows they have friends here. They aren't completely isolated. But when it comes down to it, who will protect the twins? Who is trustworthy and strong so as not to be corrupted by people who want to hurt them? Who can she trust to watch over the most precious things in the universe? She is being paranoid; she knows it . She has superpowers. She lives in a palace, married into a royal family of gods. Sure, there are threats, but really, the twins are in the safest place they could be.
His eyes soften at her words. She really has been overthinking.
"I promise you my love, our children are safe here," he murmurs, trying to soothe her with a gentle smile as he continues to caress her cheeks with his hands, his eyes studying hers. "The palace is secure. Our guards are loyal. The twins' rooms are protected by wards. You need to take care of yourself too. You can't protect them if you pass out from exhaustion."
"I know." She looks down, worn out and ashamed of her paranoia. It's not coming out of nowhere, but perhaps the bad dreams and exhaustion are making it all seem worse.
She whispers, "I miss Midgard."
At the sound of that lonely whispered confession, his breath leaves him as if he's been punched in the gut. His hands slide down to grip her shoulders, gently tightening, as if he's trying to keep himself grounded as well as her.
"...Do you regret coming here?" he asks quietly, dreading the answer. He already knows what she's going to say, but it's like a knife twisting between his ribs as he waits.
"No, no, I don't regret it. It's just...hard. There are people I miss, and simple things too, like movies and pizza and soda. And I'm still struggling to find my place here. I still feel like this isn't my home."
He exhales slowly, relief flooding his veins at her answer. He pulls her against him and presses a kiss to the top of her head before resting his cheek there, speaking softly.
"Then we’ll make it feel like home." A pause, then with quiet determination: "We'll visit Midgard when you wish. We’ll bring pizza back if that's what you crave, or I will tear open a portal myself just so you can watch those moving picture shows in your pajamas again."
He lifts his head just enough to meet her eyes again, thumb brushing over the shadows beneath them. "But first … please rest. I will watch over them tonight. I will keep them safe. So sleep knowing they are protected by their father and tomorrow, we make Asgard feel more like yours too."
She smiles softly. "I want the kids to learn about things on Midgard too. There's so much for them to see and experience."
That smile hits him like a wave of relief, warming him to the core. Gods, he loves this woman. He would do anything to keep her safe... and seeing her smile like this again is everything.
His hand lifts to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear as he leans forward to kiss her forehead gently. He can see her struggling to keep her eyes open, and he's even more determined to make sure she gets rest, no matter what he has to do.
"We will make that happen," he promises, his voice a low hush.
Gwen relaxes a little. She's felt so small and hollow lately.
"Thank you."
When her shoulders slump a little, he knows that's a good sign. She's not fighting to hold on anymore. He knows her too well. His arms slip around her, his fingers gently rubbing across her back. He's holding her, keeping her up, but she's so damn stubborn she'll push herself to the point of collapse and still try to act like everything is okay. He loves her for it, even if it absolutely kills him.
"Go to bed, Gwen. I've got them." His voice is firm, leaving no room for refusal.
She nods and gives him a quick kiss. The one person she trusts more than anyone in the universe is the God of Mischief, how funny life is...
She tries her best not to show weakness outside of their rooms. She doesn't need more whispers. She straightens her back again and fixes her face back into that pleasantly neutral mask and sets off down the corridors of the gleaming palace.
Loki watches her retreat down the hall, his mouth thinning into a grim line. He hates her pretending, hates that people are gossiping, whispering about her like she's a piece of meat and a problem for the royal family. If he were the same man he'd been years ago, there would be blood in the halls, but he has to restrain himself. For Gwen. For the twins … and for himself. He cannot lose what he has now. He won't make the same damn mistakes again.
Gwen knows the twins are safe with Loki and Frigga in the gardens. It's only early evening, but she knows the moment her head hits the pillow she will be asleep. She just hopes that she is so exhausted that the bad dreams won't come.
She smiles and nods in acknowledgement to every person she passes, servant and courtier alike. Living in the palace hasn't changed her politeness.
There are plenty of people here who like her. Some whispers and gossip are just about her background, not her personally, and some whispers are about Loki and how stupid she must be to tie herself to such a dangerous, unpredictable troublemaker. He is, that is the truth, but with her, he is the best.
She'll sleep, and everything will look better tomorrow.
"Rest well, my love," Loki murmurs softly as he watches her disappear down the corridor. His chest tightens with the need to follow, to wrap himself around her and keep her safe from nightmares, to make sure she sleeps through the night.
But for now... he has other matters to settle.
Turning sharply on his heel, he strides back toward Frigga and their children in the garden. The playful laughter of Liv and Varian is a balm against his lingering anger at those who whisper against Gwen behind closed doors. He forces a lighter expression as he approaches, but beneath it all, there’s already a plan forming in his mind.
He will find who has been making Gwen feel unwelcome.
And they will regret it.